Hopefully, you now have a pretty good sense of what kino looks and feels like. It’s supposed to be natural, comfortable, affectionate here and playful there, the kind of touching you do with friends and family.
In fact, you’ve probably noticed different flavors of kino at family gatherings. There’s the way you touch your siblings–perhaps a little more aggressive with your brothers, a little more gentle with your sisters. The way your mom tousles your hair. The way your uncle slaps you on the back and lays a hand on your shoulder with pride. All of these touches are messages–messages about how the other person feels and how they feel about you.
This is even true outside of close family gatherings. You probably know people who are more ‘touchy’ (in the feely sense) at work. Maybe they brush your elbow when they pass you in the hall, or lay a few fingers on your forearm when trying to make a point. These people are communicating in a powerful way about their relationship with you. You already know WHAT that feels like–but WHY does it feel that way?
Touching is one of our most primitive and most powerful animal instincts. A famous psychological experiment from the early 60’s involved separating newborn monkeys from their natural mothers and, instead, offering them two fake ‘mothers’. One was a soft, terrycloth doll; the other was a wire structure that was attached to a baby bottle filled with milk. Infant monkeys consistently chose the soft doll–it satisfied a need in them that was deeper, even, than hunger.
Those monkeys, like us, are part of a profoundly social species. We need other people, and we need to know where we stand with them. Long before we had writing and speech, we communicated that knowledge through touch. When you touch someone, you’re telling them that you’re confident and comfortable, and you’re inviting them to connect with you. You’re making them, if only for a fleeting second, a part of your circle. For humans, there are few things more meaningful. Our response to touch isn’t a cultural choice. It’s in our genes.
So what’s the point? Kino EVERYONE. Kino is expressiveness. Kino is communication. Kino is connection. If you’re in line at the grocery store and bantering with someone in line, touch them. If you’re complimenting someone on their fashion at a bar, touch them. If you’re asking someone the time on the street, thank and touch them. Don’t wait to get into ‘pickup mode’ to touch people; don’t make it about them. It’s about you. You’re open, expressive, social. You communicate with your words, with your smile, with your eyes, with your whole body. Make that physical connection, everytime and everywhere, and you’ll be surprised at how deeply it goes.
PickUp 101 instructor Daniel is one of several different experts who contribute to the success of PickUp 101. Lance Mason and his team of experts have created Surefire Attraction Secrets in order to provide men the foundation to build upon to succed with women